Space Buddha – Mental Hotline

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Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn’t matter which button you press. No one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
If you have low self esteem, hang up. All our representatives are busy.